Of Bad Habits and Electral Love
by theimpetuousblues
Summary: I am your bad habit and nothing more.


**Author's Note:- Electral is a gold and silver alloy. (Nerd alert!) Also, I altered Narcissa's age a bit so she's one year older than Sirius instead of four.**

**Disclaimer:- Not mine. All Jo's. **

* * *

Her dimpled cheeks were barely visible beneath the shimmering veil. It seemed a crime to hide those blue eyes even for a moment. He would deny so much in the future. In the near future, even. But he could never deny that she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. Even then, in robes too large for her seven year old body, she was a vision. She was a dream he'd seen in a life long ago and, even now, he could not forget. As he lifted her veil, her smile widened. It was a game. The wedding game, she called it. It was her favorite, actually. She was always so quick to grow up. It was never his favorite. But, at the time, there was little he wouldn't have done to see her smile.

* * *

A little further away, two sisters watched with their smiles barely contained. Their children were only pawns in a much larger battle. A battle for supremacy that, in reality, existed only in the minds of their pitiful predecessors.

* * *

He was only eleven the first time he realized. "_GRYFFINDOR_." The sorting hat's voice echoed throughout the hall. It was followed by a short, yet uncharacteristically loud silence. A Black Gryffindor. It was one for the history books. His eyes found hers in a crowd of black and green and silver. There was a flash of emotion in them that she had never let him see before. It might've been sorrow. It might even have been pity. He was too preoccupied to pinpoint it exactly because, in that moment, he realized he would do almost anything to never see that look in her eyes again.

* * *

She was fourteen the first time she realized. She watched him on Christmas Eve as he watched his mother. One glass after another. She watched as his face tightened with every insult, every crude remark his mother threw at him. She watched as he flinched when she almost threw her glass at the house elf. And when Walburga finally drifted off, Narcissa watched as Sirius almost sighed in relief. She realized she wanted to protect him. She wanted to try.

* * *

He was fourteen, and she fifteen, when they realized they were not who they thought they were. She could not believe his strength, his doggedness. She could not support it either. He was shocked at her inability to do so. But, really, had they expected anything more? The realization was melancholy in nature. They were opposites. She was gold and he was silver. They could not be who they wanted to be. Not with each other.

* * *

A year later, they overheard their parents one night.

_Betrothed._

What an ugly, ugly word.

Perhaps it was due to this electral arrangement that things ended the way they did. He had a penchant for breaking the rules, after all.

* * *

The first time she visited his flat he had been fresh out of Hogwarts. He could not believe his eyes for a moment. It had only been two years. But so much can happen in two seconds, let alone years. She was different somehow. Perhaps she lacked the innocence that had once defined her angelic features. Time had changed him as well. He was no longer a child in his father's oversized robes, reciting vows she'd written for him only moments before. He looked more like his father now than he had ever wanted to, she supposed. The lack of a mirror in his bathroom later confirmed her thoughts. With a cigarette hanging between his smirking lips, he invited her in. She did not visit again for a little over a year. He could not blame her.

* * *

The next time she comes to visit is her last. Her fitted robes hug her slightly bulging stomach.

"I suppose your husband doesn't know where you are?" She shakes her head. A hauntingly familiar crease develops between his brows.

"What do you want Narcissa?"

She hesitantly sits on the edge of the fraying lilac sofa she had frowned upon so many months ago. She can still see where she'd spilled her wine. It's a small victory but she takes what she can get. She knows he can remove the stain with a simple charm and yet…

Sirius clears his throat. He is sitting across from her. Keeping his distance, no doubt. She can hear the sound of rain starting to fall.

"I suppose," she says after a while, "I was looking for a taste of my old life."

"So you came to me?" His eyebrow quirks in surprise.

"A part of my old life, at least." Her eyes take in his face and she can feel his doing the same. The changes are subtler this time. His cheeks are stubbly, his hair longer. "Things are changing too fast." Her voice is almost a whisper now. "Sometime I feel like…"

"If only." He takes the words right out of her mouth.

"If only." She whispers.

His jaw tightens as he continues, "If onlys are for the weak, Narcissa." Pain flashes across her eyes and he finds himself looking away.

"We could've protected each other", she says. She would not let him ruin this. Her 'if onlys' were, regrettably, what made life bearable.

His features soften. She needs this, he realizes. The reassurance that in a different world, at least, she could have been happy.

"You could've tried to protect me", he corrects. "But nobody keeps me in line. Not really."

She smiles fondly. "No. I suppose not…But it would've been nice to try."

And, suddenly, he sees an 'if only' of his own. A black haired, blue eyed baby. Her smile a mirror image of her mother's. It is enough to clear his head.

"I'm tired of being your bad habit."

Her eyes widen at his statement. "No. Sirius, I lo—"

"_Don't._" His eyes are cold steel. "I am a bad habit and nothing more. Quite frankly, I'm disgusted by your actions. What did you think you could achieve by coming here tonight? You have a_ child_ on the way. You would risk her future like this?"

The silence hangs between them. So heavy. So dense.

"His", she says at last. She doesn't try to hide the tears running down her face. "_His_ future."

"I think it's time you leave, Narcissa."

She hesitates at the door and turns to face him. "I could've loved you, you know. I almost did."

He knows. Sirius holds her gaze. He needs her to understand. He needs her to see why he has to do this. He has to break her habit, her heart. This is war. He refuses to be the one to put her in harm's way. He will protect her from the one thing he can, if nothing else. Himself.

* * *

**-The End-**

**A/N: Reviews are better than cookie dough. Seriously, any questions or comments are highly appreciated.**


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